But God: Why I never shared my teen pregnancy

By Jill Dobrowansky

At the age of 19, I heard three words that would change my life forever. “You are pregnant.”

My boyfriend and I had only been dating for four months. At first, I was dismissive, I thought the doctor must be wrong, that this wasn’t happening to me. 

I thought I could ignore it and it would go away. 

At the time, I had already graduated high school, was working full-time at an attorney’s office answering phones, living at home with my parents and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. 

We lived two houses down from where my mother grew up, in a small town in New Jersey. Everyone literally knew one another. You couldn’t curse without your mom knowing about it by the time you arrived home.

Every Sunday we attended the Catholic Church my family had been a part of for three generations. We typically walked to it from our first-floor apartment. 

The whole town would know that I was pregnant sooner or later. I was scared and embarrassed. My instinct was to run and hide.

But God. My mom knew something was wrong and put the pieces together. 

It was the late 1980’s and there were options for me as an “adult.” 

We talked about abortion, but in my heart, I knew it was not an option I wanted to consider. 

We talked about adoption, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to give my baby to a well-deserving family and deal with the feelings of abandonment.

I decided the only option was to tell my boyfriend I was pregnant, keep the baby, and see what happened. Both my parents agreed, no matter what his reaction was, they were going to support me and love the baby growing inside of me. 

Then the fear and shame took hold of me. Here I was, 19 years old, having to tell my 20-year-old boyfriend I was pregnant.  

Accepting the gift of motherhood

I will never forget sitting in his car and sharing the news. He was shocked and said he would need time to process. Thoughts poured through my mind:

‘What if I had to do this on my own?” 

“What if he rejected me and our baby?”

“How am I going to explain this to family and friends?” 

During the next couple of days, I started to tell my family, who all had the same reaction my parents did. They were there for me and would love and support me. 

I was raised in the Catholic Church, where I learned to fear God. Now, I ran from an all-powerful God and hid to escape His judgment. I did not pray. I did not attend Mass. I just didn’t want anything to do with a God who I believed looked down on pregnancy out of wedlock.

A few days passed before I heard from my boyfriend. I was terrified of what he would say. Then, he called. He agreed: We were going to do this together, although neither one of us knew what that looked like, we were going to figure it out. 

In August of 1989, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy. However, the seeds of shame surrounding a teen pregnancy took root.

The following June, my boyfriend and I married surrounded by family and friends.

But I also began covering up my teen pregnancy, avoiding conversations, and flat out lying about my marriage and my son. 

I was not ashamed of being a mom. I loved being a young mom and wife, and I loved my son with my whole heart. But I became a master at diverting questions about the details. 

A long road back to God 

For the next 12 years, I would continue to hide from God. I didn’t pray, I didn’t go to church. I just ran in the opposite direction. 

But I will never forget the day the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, telling me how everything I needed could be found if I gave God a chance. 

I could feel an ever-present pull on my heart to come back to church. 

I ignored this pull for months, then one Sunday, I decided to set foot in a church I passed a hundred times. I finally went for services, and as I crossed the threshold of the building, I knew I was home. 

Within the first 10 minutes of worship, I could feel my heart being filled and I heard God whisper: 

“Welcome home my child.”

Tears ran down my face. 

That September day in 2001, I opened my heart and mind and allowed God to plant the seeds of faith and salvation. There were days where I worshiped with half a heart or a distracted mind, but God began nourishing the seeds with worship, devotion, and wisdom. 

However, there was still one thing He wanted me to break free from: Shame. 

My teen pregnancy was something I never talked about. My husband and I didn’t have any other children, so we stayed as a small family of the three. 

I no longer would lie about this part of my past, but I also didn’t talk about it. People knew I had a son, I talked about him and his wife all the time, but I still diverted any questions about my age or his age.

But God. One evening in 2020 — in the midst of a global pandemic — I joined an online Bible study group. I knew it was time to share this part of my story I kept hidden for so long. 

God gave me the words and I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit with me as I shared my guilt and shame with them. Thankfully, they treated my story gently and prayed with me for the strength and wisdom to share it with others. 

It isn’t always easy to share this piece of my story, but I know that the faithfulness God has planted in me is stronger than anything I have ever known. 

And I believe God provided me with this small group of women for a purpose. Though we only knew each other for a few months, I understood the purpose of being inside this circle of women. 

The power of letting go of shame and allowing God to work through the love of His people.

Jill Dobrowansky resides in Manahawkin, New Jersey, with her husband of 30 years, Eric. Together, they have one son who recently married the woman of his dreams. Jill has been a teacher and administrator in the public school system for 18 years. She is a proud member of Bayside Chapel, where she is part of the leadership team for Wonderfully Made Ministry and Night to Shine Prom. Jill is also a speaker, blogger and host of the Feed Your Spirit Podcast. She believes that when we share our stories with others, we glorify God and His love and grace for us. When not spending time writing or interviewing guests, Jill loves to read, cook, and spend time outdoors. Find Jill online at 2 Scripture Sisters, on Facebook or Instagram.