Seven doors in: How an unlikely friendship blossomed in prison
R.A. Naderman, known as Becky to friends, wrote the book “Walk With Me,” and speaks to groups on race, friendship and faith.
By R.A. Naderman
I took a deep breath and checked my documents one more time before proceeding to the front door of the medium security prison just two miles from my home.
CLICK.
The door shut behind me as I neared the second door.
CLICK.
I slid my papers to the guard under a security window. He looked them over and then asked if it was my first time.
He passed me a clipboard with a form and then said: “His name, his number.” I took a breath and told him.
I was here to see a man I’d never met before.
I looked around the waiting room and seated myself on the blue plastic sofa and pressed my hands together in my lap to stabilize the trembling.
A chance correspondence
I thought back to just a few months earlier when I had first come to know of Aaron.
Becky Naderman tells her story during a Faith Storytellers event in November 2019.
While sitting at lunch at work, a casual conversation turned serious when I learned my coworker’s brother Aaron was incarcerated.
After hearing her story, my heart broke for her carrying such a heavy cross. The next day I gave her a card with a little bit of cash in it.
She texted me that night when she got home. She said she could not accept it. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I give someone a gift, I really just want them to accept it, so I told her it was for her Aaron – and she agreed.
A few days later she told me Aaron wanted to send a thank you note and she wanted to know if that would be OK. I said yes.
About a week later I received a very nice note. He shared with me a bit of his story and it was easy to see he had a lot of enthusiasm for Jesus.
Our correspondence eventually brought me to a waiting room in a medium security prison to meet Aaron for the first time.
Waiting
As I sat waiting for my name to be called, I wondered if I would be able to maintain the conversation. I was meeting someone I essentially didn’t know.
The differences between us were vast. I am a white middle class working mom, and Aaron is a black man who had been in prison for the last 12 years.
Then I remembered the letter I received from him that had THAT date, the date I knew so well.
I remembered staring at the paper in disbelief, the very date that I received my oldest daughter into my arms for the first time, the date I would first take on the title of mother, was the very date that Aaron was arrested and taken into custody.
It would be a date I would always look back on and say my life would never be the same.
The same was true for Aaron, but for a much different reason. It was clear evidence for both of us that God had orchestrated our meeting.
My name was called and I passed through the third door.
CLICK.
Journey into prison
The guards patted me down and directed me through a metal detector.
CLICK of the fourth door.
As I continued to weave my way through the prison, I began to realize how alone I was. Inside the prison, there was no one who knew me.
My husband wasn’t with me, my children were not with me, no one knew my title or reputation, I had no money, I didn’t even have my cell phone.
CLICK of the fifth door.
When we arrived at the sixth door it was a heavy iron gate. When released it crept ever so slowly to the side until there was enough room for us to pass through.
CLICK of the sixth door.
It was secured before the seventh door was released.
That was when I noticed something so familiar, so calming it was the feeling I had come to know as the presence of God.
It was the feeling I would get when I was deep in prayer or quiet in church, but never before when I was anxious and busy in my mind.
God was there, and He had taken the time to reveal Himself to me in my moment of anxiety.
CLICK of the seventh door.
Seven doors in
The guard in the visiting room assigned me a table where I would wait for what would feel like an eternity. In all I would wait nearly 90 min for Aaron to arrive.
I started to reflect. I thought of all the times I had driven past the prison, perhaps hundreds of times.
Sometimes I had seen the men exercising in the yard. Sometimes I had diverted my eyes because it was too much to take in.
Sometimes I wondered: Who was there and what had they done?
Sometimes I had wondered: What was it like on the inside, how did someone survive something like prison?
And sometimes my thoughts were very judgmental, I wondered: Had they learned their lesson?”
Seven doors in, my observations were different. The tables around me buzzed with conversation as inmates visited families and friends. I observed the smiles and laughter.
Seven doors in, conversations felt more authentic because there were no cell phones to distract, no TVs in the background and no alcoholic drinks in hand.
As I continued to wait, eventually the tables around me began to make comments about me.
“She’s been waiting so long.”
“They’ll hardly have time to visit, visiting hours are almost up.”
“I wonder if he even knows she’s here.”
I had not thought I would receive kindness and empathy from people inside the prison.
Meeting Aaron
Eventually Aaron arrived. He greeted me warmly, and we quickly exchanged questions we had that our letters had left unanswered.
He was surprised to meet me on this day, he had not expected me to visit.
He apologized if he was a bit out of sorts as he had just come off a three day fast.
A three day fast? I didn’t see that very often seven doors out.
I had known he used this spiritual practice as he had written me that he was fasting for me and my family. Over time I would come to know his ability to find joy and have peace even in prison.
He knew God at a level I desired to know God and he promised to teach me all that he knew. It would be his deep relationship with God that would draw me back again and again.
In time we would find we had much in common. We would realize our friendship was a story that needed to be told.
The visit prompted a journey I never expected.
A story to tell
In 2016 I began to write the book, “Walk With Me,” about our friendship. In 2019 it was published.
It is a story that offered a healing solution to our hurting nation that seemed to be growing more divided everyday along racial lines.
It is changing how readers look at the world and the people they encounter every day.
But on that first day in the prison, the one thing I knew more than anything else was God had been and continues to be with Aaron throughout his incarceration.
Just like God would always be with me.
No matter what obstacle I may face or what challenges life would present or even what poor decisions I may make.
God would always be with me. He would not abandon me. He would not forsake me.
R. A. Naderman (Becky) is a speaker and author. She wrote “Walk With Me,” which explores race, friendship and faith. Becky studied at St. Ambrose University, graduating with a degree in occupational therapy and psychology. Her career as an occupational therapist has allowed her to encounter people from all walks of life. She resides in Des Moines with her husband and 3 children. Connect with her at ranadermanwalkwithme.com.