Trusting in God: Signs that gave me hope after my father died

Beth Haag

By Beth Haag

For 25 years my dad battled an undiagnosed neurodegenerative disorder that slowly robbed him of his ability to walk, talk, write and swallow.

It was a challenging illness. After he passed away Dec. 30, 2014, we learned from his autopsy he had multiple system atrophy – often called “Parkinson’s on speed.”

On April 2, 2016, my parents would have celebrated 50 years of marriage. In honor of that, my mom wanted to take a train trip through the Canadian Rockies. As part of our package, we received free vouchers to the Vancouver Lookout, so we decided to start our one-day pre-tour day at the tower, which was 553 feet above the city.

A tour guide offered to point out various landmarks and neighborhoods. When she pointed out the Lions Gate bridge, the longest suspension bridge in Western Canada, I started crying.

“You know the Lions Gate story, don’t you?” I asked my mom.

With tears falling down my face and a shaky voice, I recounted the tale.

When my dad’s speech became hard to understand and he couldn’t hear very well, we asked him to use his whiteboards to help he communicate. He wrote down what he wanted to say.

One phrase he scribbled was “Lions Gate,” an entertainment stock he was following. It was still written on his whiteboard back home.

The same words he had written on his whiteboard were the namesake of the bridge spanning before us, as if God was saying: Trust me.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." — Hebrews 11:1

Trusting in God as we grieved my dad’s passing, and the signs that brought hope

Beth Haag on a trip with her mother after her father’s death, when trusting in God wasn’t always clear.

Once the tour guide heard the story, she suggested seeing the bridge closer on a bus. 

There was a Lions Gate Bridge stop inside Stanley Park. Due to a car accident, however, that entrance was temporarily closed.

When our bus made it to the stop, we could see the Lions Gate Bridge. I took a couple photos, but we didn’t get off the bus to explore. 

I was disappointed, I wanted to see the bridge up close. But deep in my heart, I knew I needed to come back here.

The timing wasn’t right. I decided to trust that one day, I’d return.

Trusting in God as we lost our way

To celebrate my 50th birthday, my mom and I returned to Vancouver in October 2017 to attend the Hearties Family Reunion. It’s a weekend with people who are fans of the Hallmark Channel series “When Calls the Heart.” 

Beth Haag’s mother on a trip they took together.

At the reunion, a woman asked if she and her two daughters could sit at our table. When we asked where they were from, we were thrilled to find out Marcy was also from Iowa. In a ballroom full of 450 people, the five Iowans ended up at the same table!

When Marcy mentioned they’d been to Stanley Park, I shared how I wanted to get a picture of the Lions Gate Bridge with me holding a picture of my dad’s Lions Gate handwritten sign. I’d brought it with, just in case.

Sunday after our tour ended, my mom and I drove our rental car to Stanley Park. We parked near Prospect Point Lookout and took pictures of me holding a picture of Dad’s Lions Gate sign with the bridge behind me.

I saw a downhill trail that appeared to go down to the bridge. As we walked closer on the trail, we saw the lion statutes Marcy had told me about. Then I saw a commemorative plaque:

“This table was erected to commemorate the visit of their majesties King George VI and Queen Elizabeth to Vancouver on May 29th, 1939 when their majesties crossed this Lions Gate Bridge.” 

The bridge was dedicated 12 days after my dad was born. 

Coincidence? I don’t think so.

I pointed the date out to my mom with tears coming down my face.

We started walking on another trail, which took us down a steep hill to the waterfront path. I couldn’t help but grow concern about how much walking we were doing.

My 82-year-old mother and I were walking alone in an unknown area without a clear idea where we were heading.

The trees we were walking through were so mammoth and dense we could no longer see the bridge. I tried to use Google Maps, but without a clear point of reference, the directions didn’t help me. To make matters worse, my phone’s battery was quickly dying. 

Truth be told, we were lost!

When we spotted another trail, we decided to follow it. I decided to trust that we would find a way back, just as I was trusting in God to lead us through our grief.

I’d recently been reading John Stickl’s book, “Follow the Cloud.” It’s based on Exodus 13:21: “By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.”

His teachings encouraged me to trust God in the next step ahead, without being able to see my destination, just as I was trusting in God to lead out us of the woods and back to known ground. 

Instead of worrying about being lost, I tried to appreciate all the beauty around me. The fall foliage. The maple leaves twice the size of my mom’s hand. The trees that made us look like ants when we stood next to them.

Once I let go of the worry, I saw people at the top of the hill. I felt instant relief. We’d returned to civilization. 

Then I realized where we were: On Stanley Park Drive. And we had a spectacular view of the Lions Gate Bridge. We could even see the bridge’s two lion sculptures.

We had reached this gorgeous view by trusting in God: Through my father’s illness, through our grief, and through the uncertainty of being lost.

I can’t always see my final destination, but if I follow God, I can take the next step with confidence. He will take me to places far better than I can imagine.  

Beth Haag was blessed to be a caretaker during her dad’s 25-year battle with an undiagnosed neurological disorder. After learning from his autopsy he had outlived the average multiple system atrophy (often called “Parkinson’s on speed”) patient by 20 years, she was inspired to share the miracles she witnessed as she looked back on their unique father-daughter journey together.

A fourth-generation Des Moines native on her dad’s side, Haag teaches strategic written and visual communication classes at her alma mater, Iowa State’s Greenlee School of Journalism and Communication. When she’s not working at a local sporting event for Mediacom’s Connections channel, the Des Moines Hoover grad is usually watching the Hallmark Channel or her favorite sports team, the Chicago (and Iowa) Cubs. Her 9-year-old wire-hair fox terrier Lilly, who sings whenever she hears “Go Cubs Go,” also ensures Beth takes time to play every day. Connect with Beth Haag on Twitter at @IowaStateBeth or via email: bethhaag@gmail.com.