Results that Changed My Life

By MaryBeth Eiler

I sat in the doctor's office awaiting the results of my latest MRI.

Fifteen months prior, a rare, aggressive tumor had been surgically removed from my left calf. Scans taken three months earlier had revealed concerning evidence of potential regrowth. 

Emerging side effects and symptoms began to take on new meaning as I watched and waited to see what the next set of scans would reveal. Would they confirm the tumors return or provide the evidence I desperately wanted — it was mere scar tissue?

The MRI results came back with conclusive evidence: The tumor was back and more aggressive than before. With surgery no longer a viable treatment option, my doctor referred me to an oncologist to recommend alternative options.

As a rare disease with no standard FDA-approved treatment, limited options were at our disposal to halt the tumor. We were up against the clock as the tumor's rapid growth began to impair the mobility of my leg as well as creep dangerously close to a nerve. 

If treatment options were exhausted, amputation would be the remaining alternative.

My new reality slowly began to set in over the days that followed. The path forward was not clear cut — it was full of unknowns and little control. Questions began to surface: 

“God, why is this happening to me?”

“Aren't I too young to be dealing with something like this?”

“What about all those plans I had carefully laid out?”

The care-free life that seemed fairly typical of a twenty-five year old was gone. Weekly hikes and yoga classes, regular trips outside of Indianapolis, and the honeymoon phase of a three-month old marriage came to a halt as my husband and I discovered the true meaning behind “in sickness and in health.”

I was contending with a new normal — one that encompassed far more doctors appointments, far less focus at work, and far more uncertainty about what the future would hold.  

As the weeks progressed and the need to find an effective treatment plan grew more critical with each passing day, fear and worry began to tighten their grip. 

“Would we find an effective treatment plan?”

“Where was God in the midst of this pain?” 

“Surely,” I thought, “He had not abandoned me.”

Moments of gratitude, again and again

As we began to try different treatment options, I continued to seek answers. I stumbled upon the book “1,000 Gifts” by Ann Voskamp, which highlighted an important truth: Giving thanks in all circumstances is what we are called to do as believers.

Was it possible to give thanks in the circumstances that were surrounding me? I had my doubts, but felt led to give it a try. 

I began filling a gratitude journal with whatever I could find to be grateful for in the midst of the messy circumstances surrounding my life. 

Day after day, I opened up my journal and wrote whatever came to mind.

• The ability to cook dinner on my own for the first time in months

• New books from the library to enjoy while recovering from chemo

• No longer needing a medication that helps with pain management

• A full night's sleep in a comfortable bed

• A walk around the neighborhood with only the aid of one crutch

In the beginning, it often felt forced. Some days it was a real slog to find a few things to be grateful for, but over time, it became easier to find the good.

As I noted the good even amid hard days, I began to see how God was present with me in the midst of difficult circumstances. I began to see God at work in my pain and suffering. 

When life felt completely out of control, I began to see that He was still there, ever-present in both big and small ways. 

A card in my mailbox on a day I needed extra words of encouragement. 

The provision of a friend who suffers from chronic illness to relate to the fears and provide the encouragement I needed on good and bad days.

The more I focused on the good in my life, the more gratitude I found. Paying attention to the good allowed me a glimpse into the ways God was at work in my life. 

I was amazed as I began to notice God weaving together little details — details I would not have noticed if I hadn't had my eyes open to see.

The whisper of a celebration to come 

One day — almost two years into chemo treatments — I had a nagging feeling. 

I was getting MRI results, and although I had no reason to believe there would be a change in my course of treatment, I whipped up cupcakes to share with my team of caregivers.

The day began like any other standard chemo infusion day — labs followed by an appointment with my oncologist.

Except this time, my sister could come with. She hadn't been able to attend a round of chemo in over 10 months — partly due to having a baby and party because appointments had moved to Tuesdays, when she worked.

A few months prior, she had requested Tuesday off work to have an extended weekend, which freed her up for the day. 

Then, my dad surprised me by showing up in the waiting room — catching me completely off guard. He said he had a hunch and just needed to be there.

Feeling a little unsettled by the looming test results, I handed out cupcakes to the check-in staff and nurses, then waited for my appointment to begin.

During my oncology appointment my oncologist shared the unexpected news:

I was done with treatment.

Instead of heading to the chemo infusion center to receive treatment, I delivered the remaining cupcakes to the nurses who had walked the journey with me and shared the good news. We cried tears of joy as I rang the bell to signify the end of my treatment.

Looking back, I realized the day unfolded in a way only God could have planned. Freeing my sister’s schedule. Prompting my dad to come visit. When the good news came, I was surrounded by my husband, father and sister.

The little whisper that a celebration was coming.That is God at work. 

Those little details? I'm certain I would have missed them if I hadn't been looking for His fingerprints and noting them in my journal.

God is not some distant God who only sweeps in to perform big miracles. He is a constant presence in our lives and offers the provision we need daily. We simply have to open our eyes to see it.

MaryBeth is a writer who encourages people to hold onto hope as they encounter unexpected challenges in life. As a rare disease warrior, MaryBeth has found God’s provision in her weakest moments and with it the grace she needs to endure. MaryBeth shares encouragement at www.marybetheiler.com.